Dark desires: the black orchids

Soundless, unseen, the plants of the Northern Hemisphere are mobilizing resources. Spring is a time of stimulation: the environment stimulates trees and bulbs to burst into bloom; and these colourful signs of life born anew in turn stimulate the senses. Gardeners have been preparing for the new planting season, eager for some green to break the monotony of winter. Soon, pink will be everywhere.

However, we can find much inspiration in the fashionably monochromatic shades of winter. Bright days and garish planting schemes can be countered with something a little more subdued, perhaps a little bit Gothic. Deviant blooms smoulder in the humid depths of the greenhouse to satisfy the erotic nightmares of even the most ardent Transylvanian. Truly black orchids are sexy and mysterious creatures, all the more sought after because of their purported elusiveness. For those who like their orchids on the kinky side, (E&E)² presents five sultry seductresses who will tempt you with their dark beauty. And then probably bite your head off.

Cattleya aclandiae. Orchids that lay claim to the 'black' epithet are not, exactly, black. Orchids do not produce black pigments, instead relying on combinations of red and purple anthocyanins to darken their petals. The effect is obvious in this little Cattleya, which has waxy petals splashed with dark red pigments over a green background. The result is probably more akin to the colour of dark chocolate than true black. Nevertheless, it flaunts a curious colour scheme. Its outrageous hot pink labellum and shiny PVC-like surfaces would not look out of place in the closet of a well-equiped dominatrix. In reality it thrives in the balmy seabreezes blowing through forests on the Brazilian coast.

Dracula roezlii. Names can be deceiving. This abomination does not stalk the dark forests of Stoker's Romania, but the high cloud forests of Colombia. They are related to the more brightly-coloured Masdevallia, but Dracula orchids can be distinguished by the inflated labellum in the centre. This structure kind of resembles the gills of a mushroom; the flowers are often visited by small fungus gnats, the presumed pollinators. Because these orchids require cool temperatures and very high humidity, they are notoriously difficult to keep alive, let alone flower well. They are almost never exhibited at orchid shows, altough I've heard stories of intricate terrariums with in-built fans and misters specially constructed to display them in. Their sinister appearance always attracts attention, as the names given to other members of the genus attest: D. vampira, D. nosferatu, D. diabola, D. chimaera, and D. lotax (well, clowns are scary).

Maxillaria schunkeana.
Discovered as recently as 1993 in the coastal rainforest of Brazil, this miniature orchid packs a wicked punch. The name of the genus describes the way the labellum is fused to the column, thereby resembling a jawbone. Traditionally, the Maxillarias are a rather neglected group of orchids - do not expect to see one at your local florist anytime soon. In Victorian times, when jungle-collected orchids went up for auction labeled as 'misc.', you could bet your last guinea they would all be straggly, unimpressive Maxillarias. M. schunkeana is set to change all that. Wouldn't you want a tray of these at your next séance?

Paphiopedilum Colorbox x (sukhakulii x Joanne's Wine). Man likes to adapt Nature to his own aesthetic. The proof lies in the seedless watermelon, the chihuahua, and the hundreds of thousands of registered orchid hybrids. A breeding goal especially prevalent among slipper orchid enthusiasts is the creation of ever darker, ever more grotesque (in my humble opinion) Paphiopedilums. These Vinicolor (wine-coloured) slippers are popular subjects at any orchid show, eliciting intakes of breath bordering on the orgasmic from many a septuagenarian. I cannot deny that the black warts and faintly pubic hairs are impressive, although they have so far failed to inspire in me the impulse to buy. Perhaps future breeding efforts will create a Paphiopedilum flower that does not overtly proclaim itself to be the plant's genitals?

Fredclarkeara After Dark 'Feuerbach'. What you see here is the current culmination of black orchid breeding, from a master of the dark arts of the Catasetinae: Fred Clarke of Sunset Valley Orchids, located outside San Diego, California. A rather incongruous setting for the practice of black magic, granted, but what results! Fredclarkeara is an artificial genus, a hybrid encompassing the natural genera Catasetum, Mormodes and Clowesia. Many species in the Catasetinae group have very dark flowers, but none match the jet-black, inky blossoms of Fredclarkeara After Dark, a grex created by the skillful hybridization of Mormodia Painted Desert and Catasetum Donna Wise. Four selected cultivars of the majestic F. After Dark have received First Class Certificates, the highest award bestowed by the American Orchid Society. This is a totally unprecedented achievement, confirming just how coveted truly black orchids still are. Demand far exceeds supply, of course, making black orchids a sensual luxury. Consider selling your soul to own one. The Devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape.

Photography credits: Cattleya aclandiae © Ed Merkle; Dracula roezlii © Eric Hunt; Maxillaria schunkeana © Eric Hunt; Paphiopedilum Colorbox x (sukhakulii x Joanne's Wine) © Matt Pedersen; Fredclarkeara After Dark 'Feuerbach' © Fred Clarke. Please visit these esteemed photographers for more chocolatey goodness.